Writing Night Sweats

Tonight I will write about Ruby entering into the mental institution. This is hard writing...Painful writing. It isn’t fun writing, yet. I still feel worthless before each time I write. But once I lose my critic and drop in, it is sexy, sensual, passionate, crazy, raw writing. It comes from my body, my genitals, my belly. A run on sentence with no ending.. no resolution...Does crazy last forever? Or can crazy be tamed? Does there have to be a right ending? That’s art isn’t it? Some will love it, some won’t. When I was little I wrote from my imagination to escape my feelings. Imagined a world, wrote about my feelings, but I didn’t feel them. Now I write from my body, my emotions, my experience and then the images come. I lead from my psyche, my unknown, feelings first. I don’t know when the plot points will fall into place. But my body will feel them. I have to be brave, courageous… My coach Debora said to me, “It is easy to go with the flow. Harder to swim upstream.” I want to swim upstream. Martha, my plot coach, screams you have a message, forget what others say or think. I don’t like following the herd. I want to find a new path…. So does Ruby. I’ll follow her. She never says the right thing. Ever.