Today I am entering into the next phase of my ultimate novel

I have been mindsculpting and feeling and seeing myself write.
I am entering into the unknown and allowing the flow

I have days when I don’t write...and I am feeling and thinking
But hungering to write.
This novel is turning into something thrilling, frightening and healing
Exploring aspects of myself that are untamed and unknown, edgy death
Allowing for spills, mistakes and being lost
Allowing for imperfection
Not doing it right
I feel the anxiety in my belly
I want to write about this woman’s journey
Into the heart of her soul
Her primal self
Where love is a yearning for the divine
Where her lover is a reflection of the divine
What makes one love a person
What qualities?
The yearning, the surrender, the passion
The ultimate sacrifice to jump off the
Abyss and allow ones’ heart to break
How does a heart break from yearning
When it is comfortable and safe?
Each day I ask the small questions of the character
I ask what is she wanting, where is she going?
Will she live or die?
Will I live or die?
Big questions, small moments of words
Awakened, I fall into despair.
Safety, mediocre, mundane
The usual and ordinary, the invisible
Through the small steps of inquiry
Through the imagining, the guided imagery
The self love, lack of judgment and criticism
Breaking all the rules through small ordinary ways
How can I make Ruby's journey playful? What is playful about fear and insanity.
I guess it's a free for all...anything goes...follow the dark star, the white star, the distant star.
the speed of light...Ruby needs to use her pain to find her way back to her innocence.
The dark night of the soul makes someone braver? I don't know...but I will find out.