Prayer to Food and Writing

I pray that my writing will go deep into the waters of my heart, the soul of my truth and continue to flourish in words and images that will connect me to my authentic voice and to other’s hearts in their journey in life. That I will write stories that bring others into being fully human, creative and inspired to live and be loved as only human beings can and were given the gift to do.

The curve of my husband smile

The warmth of my daughter’s heart

My friend’s laughter after she ate a tomato

The smooth, tangled cuddle of my cats

The grief that lives in my belly

My work is loving the world just as it is.

Today was the day I ate a gooey, buttery cheese sandwich and listened to my friend laugh as she ate a tomato that spilled its seeds over her upper lip. After the ravaged years of illness, food being the enemy of my broken stomach, my wounded gaping nerve-endings falling out all over my heart and body, not having the beats in my stomach to push down food, my core being rebelling against anything nurturing, I ate the soft, spongy cheese and bread, knowing I had journeyed far in life to live again. The grief of losing the taste of French fries, bar-b-que ribs, hot tamales, tangy Indian dumplings, Italian sausages, was back again, swimming through my mind as a possibility; a quest to have an affair with, or at least obsess over what will I eat for my next meal. A sojourn I often relished from morning to night. Food was a delicacy, a luxury, a sensation of indulgence that I had taken for granted. But, today I was able to eat a grilled cheese sandwich. This simple ate of trust let me know that inside the gut of my grieving stomach, that I was healing from the death of my sister. That I could walk into a restaurant and smell the aromas of garlic, pepper and oil, and not want to throw up. That my stomach was starting to receive my sister’s suicide and not want to die myself. That I was not hiding the well of tears that filled up my lungs and heart and shut me down to life’s nourishment. I’ve done the work to of clawing my way out of hell, climbing back up to the heavens and arriving to live on earth again.